While filming this performance, I centered on who I am as a person beyond my racial background. Most of my inspiration for my performance is from Shaun Leonardo, in The Freedom to Move. Leonardo expresses his thoughts through physical choreography and social activities. "In his work as a multidisciplinary artist, Leonardo is informed by his past experiences as an athlete and an educator; physical embodiment and community dialogue are key tools of his practice," (New York Close Up). As a struggling artist and perfectionist, I overload myself to the point of heavy sleep. I then sluggishly get myself ready for the next day, somewhat prepared but willing to finish my tasks.
I transition from struggling to wake up and into working on my art. I gather my thoughts and proceed to draw at rapid speeds, emulating my hyperactive mind. Despite having the freedom to express myself through my drawings, I always place these heavy expectations on myself to do and be, better. Afterward, I get frustrated to the point of stopping in the middle of my work and going into the next room to let off some steam. It is wise to take a break from an arduous project, only to return with a refreshed mentality, continuing the work. However, all the bottled-up stress is released through fits of rage, causing me to pass out again. I then wake up in front of my computer, albeit in a static resolution. I am unable to interact with the static screen, yet I can roam freely in the space. This part of the performance represents how time or my train of thought has abruptly stopped.
I stopped to relieve my stress and yet there's still much to be resolved. In the dark, I turn behind me to see an aurora borealis, an array of lights that soothed my chaotic mind. "The mirror reflects either the real king and queen or the painted portrait of the king. Or, in some not quite mathematical but nonetheless perfectly intelligible sense, both. The black mirror and the optically incorrect painted mirror show us how things are now, but are also a place to access the past and the future," (Mirzoeff 4) "Whereas for dominant groups the mirror is often a site (and sight) of affirmation, for people who look or feel different, the mirror can be a site of trauma. Toulouse-Lautrec’s self-portrait confronts that sight without making himself the object of a freak show," (Mirzoeff 9). It was in this moment of relief, that I realized that I can go at my own pace, but I need to discipline myself to further improve upon my progress every day.
Works Cited:
art21 | The Freedom to Move: Shaun Leonardo (https://art21.org/watch/new-york-close-up/shaun-leonardo-the-freedom-to-move)
Mirzoeff, Nicholas. How to See the World.
Basic Books; Illustrated edition (April 12, 2016).
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